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You are viewing the most recent 30 entries November 25th, 200912:47 am: don't try
sometimes. it's just hard
to see people come and go
and never anyone to stay forever
is our life just like a 7-eleven store?
fast passing everyday
with people coming in, getting something out of us,
and walked away.
or are we just that someone that once enter another person's 7-eleven
walked in and out. instantly too.
maybe we're never program to stay at one spot forever
you blame on people that have left you
but haven't you left someone too?
it's fair enough actually
therefore, all the 'friends forever'
all the 'i love you forever'
is actually not true
we should put it, 'friends now'
and 'i love you now'
forever
what does that really mean anyway
have anyone really have something with them forever?
even your favorite teddy bear will have to be thrown away one day too
and for that, feelings towards someone is just too weak to stay forever
hence.
people will just come and go
and that's it.
November 19th, 200905:42 pm:
I always leave first,
so I never have to see you go...
November 18th, 200912:02 am:
2009 is ending so soon.
To be frank,
It is one hell of a fun yet full filling year.
Well, basically, thanks to STUDIOROM.
If it's not for studio, i will not be smiling now. : D
Although, it seems as if i wasted one year here,
doing nothing related with my ultimate goal(which is design-industry)
But, of all, no regrets.
Well, it's not really happy-all-the way year. *shit still happens ALL THE TIME.
but i do think, through out the year, i learn a lot
from great great people around me.
bosses, photographers, producers, retouchers, agency people, clients, make up artist, stylist, magazine people, even assistants...
ALL OF THEM, they impressed me.
Because they were so good at what they do.
everyone is a professional.
and i realized, to be good and gain respect at what you do.
you really need to stay focus, pour in all you have and work it out.
nobody says it's going to be easy.
and no success is gained without hard work.
For now, I felt more like a visitor, looking at the whole industry from a glass panel.
but, i knew i can't be a visitor forever.
It's time for me to switch role and play a character from the inside.
I still felt really sad about having to leave something that i cherish so much.
But i knew, nothing last forever.
I remember a quote from onetreehill,
"Every song ends, but is there any reason not to enjoy the music?"
true.
song ends,
people leave,
but, there's no reason not to cherish every bits of it.
: )
November 13th, 200904:33 pm: 離開
離開時
我想我會哭吧
離開後
我想我會常想念
November 12th, 200910:11 pm: a cup of sun and starbucks
yes. i don't like starbucks, yet can't help but they have strong identity.
yes. this is not 120 film, yet i crop it because it looks better in square.
yes, i steal the mug from starbucks, and i'm happily using it at home. heh
November 10th, 200910:16 pm: .
something i found on papertissue.
that made me tear.
: * /
09:00 pm:
and i don't know what to say
when, all i could think of
is to look upon the sky
and wish for it to stay the same
f o r e v e r
November 7th, 200910:13 pm: i'm not happy
"I'm so unhappy, but i'm trying to adapt it"
quoted from desmond.
such sad statement. but it explains how i felt now..
i crashed my car so badly.
yes, i am so unhappy.
yes, i felt so bad and guilty
but i think i accepted it and adapted the situation.
too fast isn't it?
why?
i am suppose to be super sad and maybe burst in tears.
but i didn't. in fact, i can't.
it just didn't occur to me.
i just. took a deep breath. and accepted it.
i mean, what else can i do?
it already happen isn't it...
do i take things too easily.
and i fear the 'not feeling anything about it' part.
i am so numb.
i fear myself out.
unfortunate events always finds it's way to reach me.
and guess what.
i am so numb.
come what may.
-___-
November 5th, 200912:55 am: shhhhh.....
if only, you listen closely.
i am whispering to you
something you ought to know.
but i guess
even if i shout it out loudly
you won't hear it as well.
because.
you're deaf to me.
P/S: i potong rambut!
so short. i freak myself out too!
But anyway. i am accepting the fact.
It's okay.
Hair will grow.
just like wounds will heal too.
I'm going to be fine.
I knew it.
=)
Current Music: I'll Be - Low vs Diamonds October 29th, 200901:40 am: best is never yet to come
don't you think, the fact that we're constantly thinking that,
best is yet to come
we will never meet best anyway.
I mean, does BEST really exist?
WHAT IS BEST?
Where do we come across the-best in fact?
Reference from other's success and media influence. i bet.
the truth is,
best happens NOW.
whatever you had NOW.
is the best.
and you had to believe in it.
then, eventually.
It is the best.
You want the best career.
Do your best in whatever you do NOW.
and it will be the best career.
No point wait and decide which is best for you.
You want your best love.
Love the person you love in all the best ways
and it will be the best love.
or if there's no one there, love yourself more then.
You want the best environment and people to work with.
BE the best person to work with first.
and change the environment.
Be the fun itself. and eventually.
It will be fun.
Seriously.
I am sick of myself.
I constantly wish for the next company to provide me the BEST in all expect when my current is not working.
I constantly think that the next one would be better when i screwed up the current.
IT IS TOTALLY WRONG.
I can't run away, and i shouldn't!
Face it and fix it.
Pour in more effort in work.
Whatever it is.
Stay focus!
Best is never yet to come.
All we had is just NOW.
and it's now or never.
sigh, i'm just sad that it took me so long to wonder around before i look pass this fact.
October 24th, 200904:12 pm:
and i am in fear of that
- bangkok skyline -
October 23rd, 200912:23 am: shall be contented.
So many people
So many streets
So many path
Yet. I met you.
Although, the fact. Nothing happen as i wished.
But, I'm still glad.
To have met you.
and that's more than enough.
October 20th, 200906:13 pm:
green tea plus a bit of syrup and honey ice blend them together pour into a cup whipped cream on top and chuck off some red beans on top
04:36 pm: cogongrass dreams
   
an escape to nature.
adore the satisfying feeling when you overcome a mountain.
Guess, that's common for hiking philosophy.
anyway.
its a lovely outing.
October 18th, 200912:40 pm: happy birthday sunshine~
*i know you're reading this, but still, i want to express kao-kao of my love to you!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you.
OUR DEAREST SUNSHINE!
and wish things will turn better for you from time to time.
Was looking at our photos, hoping to post one up for this special day of your's.
The more i look back at the photos.
The more emo i got.
It's like i known you for all of my life!
We've spend so many time together back then.
Every birthdays.
Every big or small events, Chirstmas, New Year, Random meet ups...
We've been through everything together.
I'm really really grateful to have you in my life
And for you, is always the sunshine among wherever you are!
Have faith.
You will get there one day.
Enjoy now.
As it's the only way to be happy.
And remember, We're always here for you.
No matter how far you are.
By saying i miss you, doesn't help the fact that we can't see each other these days.
So, cut the miss-you part!
Be good in what you do, Live life with no regrets,
that's the best way to reward us for missing you.
End up, no photo fits in my mood.
Only the photo of photos...
LOL.
Current Music: Song For You - Alexi Murdoch October 15th, 200906:18 pm: this is simply. inspiring!
I cant get over (500) days of summer yet.
Here is something to share...
*quote from the movie scene.
McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend? Summer: No. McKenzie: Why not? Summer: Because I don’t want one. McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that. Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent? McKenzie: Are you a lesbian? Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian.
I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend.
I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything. McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Summer: Really? McKenzie: Nope. Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you– McKenzie: Break it down! Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own.
I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt.
Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world;
might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later. McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude! Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love? [she scoffs] Tom: What? Summer: You don’t believe that, do you? Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.
LOL.
I found it funny, cause i somehow had this conversation with someone too.
just that, He is the Summer, and I'm the Tom.
And the fact is, Summer fall in love and got married in the end.
So, what happen to the part where,
I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend.
I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.
guess, that just what you said when you haven't found that someone.
but right now.
i am really feeling like Summer.
i am happy alone.
and i totally nod on whatever she said.
relationship, who needs it?
LOL
October 13th, 200903:56 pm: postman is working!
There goes the postcards...
And then,
They got it from the other side of the globe.
LOL. postmans,
were really still working these days
Felt so amazed!
well. the fact is.
i miss these people.
yet, they were so far away.
October 12th, 200903:56 pm: tribute to 500 days of summer
this is such a great movie.
but yet, not everyone appreciated it.
and i can't find who to share and express the love towards this movie.
*a sad face
anyway...
It's so lovely captured
The soundtrack were so awesome
Although the fact, it's not exactly a *happily ever after ending
but, it's just plain truth.
Life do sucks, you know.
It always happen.
in a relationship
either you're the one who has greater passion
or you're the one who felt less faith and passion about it.
and, both parties compromise to end up as a couple
that is the so called love these days, my dear
The saddest yet cruelly true fact is
You know he/she is the one.
But he/she might not felt the same way
and you're too blindly in love to realize the fact
sigh
And in some way.
i think, i'm always the tom hansen.
_______________________________________
FYI,
i just realized the director of this film, Marc Webb
Is the director of many My Chemical Romance Videos.
No wonder i could fall for his movie so easily! heh
and if i ever wanted to do film.
This kind of movie is my greatest passion.
October 9th, 200906:59 pm: give me a life
 it had been a bored week.
too bored.
i numb!
______________________________________________________________
i am a person with a lot of ambition.
to learn piano
to learn photography
to learn about alcohol mixing
to learn japanese
to learn dive
so far if i can accomplish the list above
i guess
i can figure out my life already
04:27 pm: the sick journey with film in bkk
this is a little bit way back then.
but still, it's obligated to post some of the shots made. :D  
It's done with a normal negative kodak film,
not too sure if it's expired, got it as a gift from a friend.
Speed 400, a little bit grain lor.
of all, i could only present 3 out of 37 shots.
don't really think they were all nice, even including this 3 shots.  
This is a provia 400 cross process.
*which fucking cost me 290thai batt.
ahhh... turns out not really that nice too
I don't know what i'm complaining.
conclusion for this film journey is not satisfying.
blame nothing but my skill.
such toy camera, with just point and shoot
is too casual for me. like i don't even think already when i shoot anything
just 'pak pak pak', 'chak chak chak'
i felt sorry for the film.
even more sorry for my pocket.
:(
i want to get a better film camera for my lovely film lo
and also a holga. or TLR!
October 7th, 200908:04 pm: :D
October 5th, 200911:30 pm: die alone
Alone.
Forever alone?
Can anyone really be, alone. forever?
How long does it takes to spend forever?
do you have any idea?
And how does it feels, to die alone?
I fear.
to die alone.
I fear to see you
die alone in streets too.
i fear for too much.
September 29th, 200912:01 am: some scars just won't heal
there is a face in the world, that i would never want to face
there is a pass hidden far away, that i would never want to recall
i don't hope well for you, as you don't deserve well
I don't hate you at all, as you're part of me
I don't feel sad when you're weak, as i don't care anymore
I don't know what i truly felt, as I never forgive, and i never forget
September 27th, 200908:16 pm: if only, you know...
 and my world is you. if only you knew...
which you'll never...
September 23rd, 200906:35 pm: a hat day
Sometimes, a hat, a lovely hat, can make my day.
simple as that.
*the hat is from ZARA MEN and i so want to grab one!!!!!
and it's so lovely to have studio shots, trust me, i just re-size the pictures, tak ada pun change any thing!
September 21st, 200907:35 pm: feilim and lomo
muaha, I spend my raya holiday to a lomo outing!
it's only a short outing, morning 9+ till 12noon+
but it's
AWESOME!
hahahaha
Okay, first of all..
I like feilim, and is slowly getting poisoned.
Meeting bunch of feilim + lomo people is like adding drugs to it!!
*once i reached home, i'm already on lomographyasia.com checking on holga! i wanna get the multi colour geh!!!
HAHA. so wrong to feel so right to get poison!! *how silly!!!
Secondly, due to i'm a fan of negative effect.
So, attending this kind of outing is like meeting the people inside the movie.
(not that i'm a crazy fans of them, but you tend to recognize faces, like 'ehh, i know him, i know her from the movie.... ')
and experiencing the scenes in the movie, walking around, taking pictures,
with a bunch of crazy young and fun people!
awwww. is just awesome!
Best of all, everyone has a camera, and they take great pictures with their expensive film!
Which means, there's no official photographer in an outing.
everyone take pictures of everyone
and in the end of the day, although you did not take any pictures of yourself.
you'll be sure that someone from the gang did!
GREAT right.
Overall, i really enjoyed!
looking forward to be able to attend more outings like this!!!
wishlist number one, multi colour holga!! and this few boxes of wonder makes me smile!!!
and this few boxes of wonder makes my pocket empty.
yet i'm still smiling.
CRAZY!!!
September 20th, 200906:12 pm: living now
I tried to look for a photo, some artsy photo to go with the post.
but i failed. sigh. guess i've not been very artsy productive lately.
so, it'll just be another journal, with no photos.
Lately, i realized.
I am really living now.
This period, this moment, these people
I am trying my best to feel them all
I am doing my best to fully sunk in, NOW
and i like it
I always believe
A great moment with people will never last
This moment, with these people, you feel the chemistry and sparks
you have to grab on it, treasure it and fully enjoy it
because, the next moment you want it to happen again
you'll know that it's gone forever.
I hardly think of future lately
not as if i don't plan and don't have a future
maybe, i'm too busy living now
I don't really know.
what's next.
after studiorom. what will come?
tend to ignore the fact that i'm somehow screwing up my future.
living now.
and doing things for my own leisure now
being happy now
that is not helping future at all.
will it leads to a dark and unpleasant future?
should i make efford for future?
:(
sad face
future fears me.
*hiding back in the now-blanket
September 12th, 200902:20 am: i fear
why people leave.
why they move to so far far away.
why they moved on without me?
why i don't moved on at all.
I'm still here.
Just here.
Still in the same place.
Doing the same thing.
Dealing with the same issue.
Not having someone exclusive at all.
People around me eventually, moved on
but me.
I fear
i really do.
what if, i had to die alone in the end of days.
all alone.
September 10th, 200905:41 pm: prove it to believe it?
some people
so insecure
that they had to PROVE that they had a great life
when i say prove.
It means with description and photos
*refer to tons of bloggers out there
how funny.
you have a life long assignment.
"to PROVE you had a great life"
don't live it. but prove it.
September 8th, 200905:44 pm: 我的二十二
今天
我二十二了
對這一個數目
。只有嘆氣
並不是為了臉上有皺文而嘆氣
而是
人生好像就這樣而已
就工作，慶祝，旅遊
been there, done that.
一點新鮮也沒有的人生
嘆氣
那天
面對生日蛋糕上的腊燭
我無法許下任何願望
看來
真的老了
突然，陳奕迅那首倒帶人生的歌詞浮現在腦海中
每次唱生日快樂 舊願望還未發生
又得想幾個新的
我太明白願望就只是願望
它之所以叫願望
因為它就是不可能實現的東西
那我
寧可不許願了
哈
我太悲觀了
我知道！
可是我就是無法陽光開郎起來
而最近我發現我的名子
卻往往和開心，快樂有牽連
中文名就好
我叫戴馨樂
那，就一個樂了，快樂的了
然後，abby又和happy很像
看！
好啦
我應該開心點啦
好！
為了我的名子
我要看開
我會快樂
二十二歲
加油啦
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