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You are viewing the most recent 30 entries February 9th, 201010:05 am: death.
Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore?
If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?
Whatever you imagined is wrong.
There';s nothing romantic about death.
Grief is like the Ocean.
It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us.
And pain is like a thief in the night.
Quiet. Persistent. Unfair.
Diminished by time and faith and love.
quote from one tree hill.
sigh.
and i don't know what to say.
it's just. calm. and peace.
i will always remember the good of her.
rest in peace.
diana.
February 7th, 201004:48 am: love life.
i just finished season 6 of my all time fav drama series, one tree hill.
trust me.
if you like this kind of drama.
we can be friends already... or more.
lol
seriously.
it never fails to make me tear.
it never fails to make me felt connected.
it never fails to make me stronger and positive.
I'm so glad that things turns out all well for everyone in the end of season 6.
It really... made me smile.
Like if one day, i could see people around me, people i love.
they all live happily, living in their dreams come true...
even if obstacles occur, it will be overcome.
that's just all that matter to me.
to know that people i love. they're all well.
and we're all happily together.
Life
is hard enough.
and if there's people out there, that made a film or a drama or even a song.
to make you feel good about yourself.
even for that little moment.
i think we shall all thank those people.
and i hope.
one day, i could do the same thing to influence people too
to make them feel good.
just like how they made me.
I wanted to share every meaningful quote from the drama but it's just too many.
But, here's what it has to say for the end of season 6.
Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back?
Is it the person you want to be?
Or is there someone else you were meant to be the person you were meant to be but fell short of?
Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can.
Believe that love is out there.
Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.
Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.
So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that.
and yes, believe that.
February 1st, 201012:50 am: sun
sun symbolize the one to brighten people's day.
bring the best out of everyone
generates energy from within,
and influence people to be stronger.
moon on the other hand,
constantly need help from other
fail to shine on it's own
dependent and weak.
i want to be the sun.
instead of the moon.
January 31st, 201004:13 am: goodbye. yewchin
last plbb photo for 2010. : (
goodbye yewchin.
i mean, see yah!
i'm sure, we'll see you very soon.
please come back after a year.
and we will stay well here.
i have faith.
things will be fine.
i am looking back at some old TOA photos to realized,
we took the most photos ALL THE TIME back then
whatever it is. camwhore saja.
i wanted to pick one and post.
but i'm RELUCTANT!!!
we both look. really ugly. lol
in other words, we look so much nicer now! lol
okay.. bottomline is,
we've been through a lot
from different people around us, but it's still me and you.
and you need to know.
you matters! as a very important friend to me! kay.
as life goes on...
we might not spend most of our time together.
but, try to update plbb about what happen there.
at least, blog about it, in detail.
all da best mate! : )
and again!
i never like goodbyes.
but that's just life.
I KNOW!
I KNOW!
i just dislike! okay!!!!
03:40 am: enough
I'm good enough.
Good enough for myself.
Good enough for my friends.
Good enough for my family.
and it's good enough.
and that's not true.
i'm never good enough.
January 24th, 201004:21 am: learn to let go.
ilford 250 loaded on nikon FG20.
I went watching 500daysofsummer again, 3rd time i guess...
lol. and it didn't fail to amuse me.
guess. it's a good to watch it and kept reminding myself.
get over fantasy. and fairy tales.
stop being TOM HANSEN.
there's no true love in this world.
the more you stick on believing it.
you'll just end up like TOM! and summer(that never gives a damn)
yeap.
i need to learn to let go.
i recalled a quote from the movie, there is this little young girl that seems to be TOM's love guru,
she once said something like that.
Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.
Yah. it's true.
like why would i miss something or someone so badly.
it's the happy times that kept replaying in my mind.
it's the little things, little details that i take in count very seriously.
it's all these minor things that once made me happy..
and it's all these minor things that now made me sad cause it's over.
but.
come to think of it.
i only remember the happy times.
in fact, there's so many bad times too.
and refuse to look back to it.
instead. choose to play emo when it's over.
well. guess.
if it were to meant something. it would.
and i would know it better myself.
that in fact.
it's over already. and nothings is worth missing.
i shall. let go and move on.
i will.
it's the matter of time.
January 18th, 201011:24 pm: 18th Jan 2010
a date that marked a new start!!!
today is my very first day in mccann!
is. very. tired.
after a hot shower, i felt like i can just knock off.
gosh. i have workloads already for the very first day eh
this place. is no place for honeymoon man.
i felt it already.
tight dateline. high demands.
stresssss ehhhh
but i do think, it's a good place to learn tho.
time to get serious lor.
i don't really have anything much to complain eh.
everything seems okay to me.
even there's much that differs from my expectation.
but i am still okay with it.
guess.
i won't be having much time from now on.
to linger around and play emo...
and no after work plans anymore loor.
work normally ends around 9 or 10 or even. late. like. real. real. late.
baik lah.
suits my theme of the year. WORK WORK WORK!
________________________________________________
sunset on hill top. with mist and fog!
had a wonderful journey up on genting last weekend.
it's cold. but warm in other ways too.
my rom buddies kept me well accompanied!
and for the first time. i experience casino eh!
hohoho. and is loving it!
but nah, not going to be addicted tho.
just the fun part comes when you have faith in yourself, and it was proven right!
*but what happen when it don't, right? lol. that's when casino earns loorrr
11:04 pm: spare me your time
here's 2 shots i did for michelle. during my one week off.
she wanted to kick start her modeling career.
and she asked me for the favor. *didn't know if i did helped out, or just messing around. lol
well, i hope there's more to come.
but so far. i only see potential in a few.
sigh. lack of preparation lahh...
anyway.
itu saja lah.
will try to upload some more in future.
when i have time to look back and photoshop them.
 
January 12th, 201012:41 am: i heart studio.
even how much i cherish.
there is just a time where i had to let go.
and, let it flow behind me.
as a memory that i will always love to look back
as an experience that have made me stronger
chapter studiorom. closed.
goodbye.
 
January 10th, 201006:19 am: i wish monday never comes.
Be strong.
Wipe the tears that is falling down.
it has to happen this way.
you have to move on anyway.
things will fade off eventually.
take a deep breathe.
and survive this.
January 6th, 201012:04 am: there's a bigger picture.
photos to share for the day.
*kodak elitechrome crossprocess with FG20, done by me.
When i'm being all emotionally sad or caught up with some big time nonsense.
There's actually something bigger that is happening.
I shall not only look at things in such a small little tiny scope.
There's actually MORE of anything out there.
Not always all about being single, or not.
Not always about needing companion and all..
seriously. come to think of it.
why should i?
when, i could focus on something bigger.
There's so many life challenge that is yet to accomplish.
There's so many knowledge to learn.
Another new resolution.
Stop prioritizing on such tiny issues.
I believe, if i want to. i will get there.
i just need to focus! and learn as much as i could!
______________________________________________________
a song to share
Maria Taylor's Light House
***
Watch the children sing, but not to be singers
And so hopeful, they still are believers
There's so much to do or say without repeating
And a sad story hoped she would keep reading
Maybe a message or just not perceiving
There's so much to do or say without repeating
So why don't we?
And don't expect too much, okay?
Cause the best, the worst might have passed anyway
And like the lighthouse we watched it spin 'round and 'round
There's just some things
They aren't meant to touch the ground
And let our legs just run, no concept of distance
And all these rules we've learned could make no difference
There's so much to do or say without repeating
And it's the subtle laugh that will keep ringing
And what was overlooked could now have meaning
There's so much to do or say without repeating
So why don't we?
And don't expect too much, okay?
Cause the best, the worst might have passed anyway
And like the lighthouse we watched it spin 'round and 'round
There's just some things
They aren't meant to touch the ground
***
I especially like this phrase
Watch the children sing, but not to be singers
Seriously. If we all can do things we like, purely because we enjoy doing it.
like, sing, but not to be singers,
draw, but not to be painters,
take photos, but not to be photographers,
design, but not to be creative directors.
based on a very pure, genuine heart of enjoying doing that particular thing.
I guess, we all had that heart once.
But along the way. we lost it somewhere.
take note on other phrase like,
And don't expect too much, okay?
Cause the best, the worst might have passed anyway
brilliant right!
anyway,
Little bit about Maria Taylor.
Maria Taylor is my all time fav, if you haven't know her, she's from Azure Ray.
They were the best Dream Pop artist i adore.
There's always a story, scenario rationally told in their songs,
never something too over expressive.
you may find them mundane, plain, like a cup of clear plain water.
but somehow, in fact, after all the sadness, or i can't live without you shit.
we still have to move on. and face life rationally. and just, move on.
and i guess, they're trying to convey the message of life is just life. in a very realistic way.
i like their melody, as much as their lyrics too.
dig their songs!!! i insist!
January 4th, 201006:05 pm: dear 2010
i don't usually post that much photos...
but it won't be calling "photos and journals" for no reason right.
this round. for the new year!
let's have more of something to see...
I had a little steamboat dinner at home, with colleagues.
since, i'm leaving,
therefore, any possible time left, i hope to spend with them...
dinner started off very late actually, cause i'm caught up with some job issue...
by the time we started preparing were like.. 9pm+
luckily i have 1 pro chef and 1 good vege washer to help out. lol.
if not. hah, let's prepare to countdown before eat lahh
fast dinner.
nothing really happening.
just a few of us, gather and laugh.
okay lah...
i'm glad enough.
as long as there's people.
it's always better than being alone during eve.
nice shot of myself.
muahahahahaha
without make up lor...
see. not that scary right...
disclaimer:
all photos are done with luke's canon, and all the editing is done by him as well.
so nice, i don't have to adjust anything.
just resize. and post!
bagusness!
marked a good end of 2009.
byebye lah!!!
________________________________________
a time for a fresh start.
and now comes the resolution part, *routine stuff lahh.
Theme for 2010!
work work work
work hard for my career
work out to loose weight
work additional to earn more
work out a plan to go out of malaysia
yes. less fun. more work.
less emotion. more rational.
i ought to start being serious.
i'm freaking 23year old now.
since i fail to further my studies,
hence, i will not fantasy on that part anymore.
be real.
well, for what i can do now,
is to just work hard!
someday, i will get to places i wish to be.
but just not now.
i will do more this year.
i will think less, of all the nonsense!
wish me luck!!!
December 31st, 200902:32 am: last day of 2009.
time: 230am
date: 31st December 2009
Best thing that happen in 2009,
To have joined studiorom
Worst thing that happen in 2009,
To be leaving studiorom
December 30th, 200905:26 pm: things that makes me happy!
i found myself for being very emotionally ill here.
always too personal, always too negative
since 2009 has really been a year of emotions!
*i basically finish writing my dairy and have to purchase a new one!!
hence, 2010 shall be a new year with less emotions, and more productivity!
and so, i shall share things i like.
do more of it,
and try to express my feelings into form of art.
instead, form of just plain expressive words.
*peace!!
__________________________________________
they say,
you're what you like.
or, things that you choose to like,
makes you who you are.
in that case,
indie folk & dream pop genre in music explains me the best.
my all time fav
an artist to share.
Kings of convenience.
i don't know what i can save you from.
that's my first song.
and it's from soundtracks of coffee prince.
went digging more of their songs.
and fall in love with all of them
this is another lovely album.
declaration of dependence
it's very easy listening, close your eyes and let the melody bring you to a places, where you find peace and calm.
or, places exactly like the cover art!
try Mrs.Cool
quote from lyrics:
because you knew you found yourself vulnerable around me
and also 24-25
quote from lyrics:
24 and blooming like the fields of May
25 and yearning for a ticket out
December 28th, 200903:07 pm: i wish i'm there too
so heartwarming to see this!
simple gesture from des,
but so sweet ler, he remember me while he walk down streets of chicago!
it's my name there!
'Abby was here', he said
awwww...
i wish i'm there too!
and to see snow for once in my life
and to laugh, check out hot man around together
and to be mallrats whole day together
and to drink and dance in bars together
aih. if only,
chicago and kl is like 2 hours drive!
merry christmas and happy new year to my beloved friends that is so far away from me!
yes, including you, nicole sun siew din
never to forget, babe ivy low ai wei!
miss you babes much much!
December 26th, 200907:01 am: gone
i can't cure philophobia
or maybe there's nothing to cure at all.
hah.
after all, it's just silly me!
06:31 am: sigh
let's just have it without an image for this.
Had a fight with the mother.
for the same old fact.
she is being so judgmental towards me. every freaking single time!
whatever situation, whoever involving.
i am always the one to be blame,
for being less considerate, self-centered, decadent, selfish, destroyer,
any terms you could think of, that explains a bad person.
which i never agree.
how could she constantly think that i am such a bad person?
this time, i'm not being indenial, but simply don't agree.
i know where i stand all the time,
how good or how bad a person i am, i knew it myself, very well.
so, why bother if other judge and don't understands.
yes, i don't really bother, but this is my mother, for god sake!
i seriously don't know what i have done to made her think of me that way.
i fail to express my feelings towards people i cared the most.
yes. especially family.
but that doesn't mean i don't love them deep enough
how could she think that,
i would not do whatever it takes to make sure my sister is fine?
and instead, go have fun and party?
in fact, no matter what, i will still fetch my sister
but she don't understands, and have no faith that i would
instead, she instantly judge me, for being such a bad person.
Things between me and my sister is fine without her.
seriously.
whenever she came along, things got bad
because she would think that i bully my dear poor angel sister.
sigh, and everytime, i couldn't hold my temper not to argue.
I don't mind if the truth is, i'm not the favourite child.
I always knew i'm not. and i really accepted the fact.
it's okay.
But, how could she defend her favourite child by blaming me?
It's the judgment she had towards me that is heartbreaking.
yes, i will never be as pure as kind and as lovable like my sister.
(at least, that's the impression she had for her)
and yes, i know she found many in common with my sister
that made them both living in the same world, a world which i could never enter!
fine.
i had my own world too.
if they couldn't understand me, just leave me alone.
and don't judge and hurt me with words like that!
we just had different point of view.
like i can never understand how they could agree for betraying someone
but i leave it a side, cause i will never accept, nor agree or understand.
let's just be family, living together and having daily routine together
and don't really have to try so hard to be close and bond.
i knew i can never communicate well with, when they're being so judgmental.
hence, yes, i will treasure friends that could understand my point of view, or at least, don't judge.
bur that doesn't mean i put friends first place, than family.
sigh,
i failed to communicate.
and i am so tired for always being judge
to some point, i already give up
December 20th, 200903:55 am: never ends
still, it's a long and boring way to go.
still, it's a lonely journey.
still, it's a path i can't escape
still, it's life. and that's just it.
_____________________________________________________
2009 is officially ending
To conclude this year I will say,
I have failed in many ways,
and also picked myself up every time.
Grown up a lot.
and, the failing and growing up makes me numb.
I think I'm just figuring out, what's the point.
What's the point to all these,
moving on, growing up, living life.
people come and go,
things happen and fades.
what's the point?
sigh.
guess everyone is searching a way out too.
looking for the reason, the purpose
trying to make sense out of life
which is seemingly, an endless search
December 15th, 200908:50 pm: \
I can't really see where i'm going
but i knew, i will land somewhere anyway
so cut the worry
and, enjoy the ride
December 13th, 200908:46 pm: sometimes i wonder
i knew i have not been a better person i should be lately.
i knew people that cared about me worried
i knew i'm really down and depress lately
i hereby apologize to those that shown their concern towards me
i shall pick myself up and install some positive energy
i guess, it's just me.
i could be really positive and happy go lucky when i'm feeling all right.
but when i'm down and depress, i could really go all the way till the bottom of the world.
i recalled this saying about virgo,
都说处女座另类，双重性格，甚至有点神经质，其实原因只有一个，
处女座的一切都要随自己外显的性格而转，姑且称之为'状态'。
处女座状态好的时候，可以将自己聪明、细腻、能干、温情、幽默、
有内涵等优良品质完全外展，此时他们显得如此完美，光芒四射，
并且可以表现得非常外向、健 谈，容易与人打成一片（这本非他们的性格）。
而一旦处女座状态不好，便会变成另一个人，甚至非常窝囊，一事无成，
不过通常此时他们都躲避外在的干扰,所以让人感觉有点间歇性自闭症)
lol. quite accurate right?!
gosh. i am just at my bad times.
but i somehow should control that side of me for keep coming out
no good no good.
happy is a state of mind
you tell yourself to be happy and hence you'll be happy
i knew that.
sometimes, i just chose to be unhappy.
i don't know what i felt now exactly.
not happy, nor sad.
so like what rene said, i shall just remain numb instead.
okay. i am numb
and emotion-less
08:21 pm: first 120 film. with rolleiflex
I always love 120 square films.
Wanted to try some out with holga at first.
but out of sudden, my colleague hand his rolleiflex to me and asked me to try out!
so i did 2 experimental rolls.
here's the first row.
and my 2nd row is halfly failed. cause i forgotten to roll the film till it says starts
amature mistakes man!
sigh
film camera is love, and pain in a way too
to concur and use them in good way, need like many experiment and knowldege
which apparently i don't have much.
sigh
well. i'm trying. but of all.
the outcome of a good shot by film camera feels so much happier if compares with digital
it has a magic feel towards it
too too bad. the rolleiflex is returned.
sigh.
December 10th, 200905:35 pm: 如果我不見了
我常常會想
如果一天，我不見了
我死了。
再也不會再見到我
再也不會聽到我
會對這個世界帶來什麼變化嗎
而又會有誰會難過
會難過很久嗎？
我離開十年後
有人會偶而想我嗎？
如果我不見了
媽媽還有姐姐和第第
可能對她而言，會少了一個煩惱
反正.我從不太聽話，
她也不了解我
而我也不會變成她理想的我
常要讓她失望，我也很殘愧
如果我不見了
姐姐應該會很難過吧
因為她疼我
也因為她感情豐富
可是我們現在越來越少參與個自的生活
所以應該不會有太大影響
如果我不見了
世界還是會一樣的
大家還是要繼續生活
也許愛我的朋友會難過
可是久了
就會接受。然後淡忘。
說到底
有人會為了沒有了誰而無法活下去嗎？
人越來越現實和獨立
我走了
他走了
還不是一樣.
01:52 am: raise above
my life here in 2009 is ending
i'm upset for things to turn bad
it's like a happy drama.. with a sad ending that the main hero has to die
why kill all the good things when it's about to end?
damn it
and apparently.
whatever that i think i cherish
is not true
whoever that i think cherished me
is not true
well.
why bother?
when it's ending after all
sometimes it's even better
i can just wave and walk away
with no sadness
although, i know i'm being indenial.
but i think i can fake it until i make it this time
it's okay.
because it's ending
i see things that is not real
and now i pinch myself to wake up
December 8th, 200904:38 pm: they say. but i never get it.
if you want more highlight
you need to add more shadow
_______________________________________
i deleted my previous posts
the post where i think i can just die now
not to say i suddenly treasure life
rather, there's no point saying it when i can't really go commit suicide
so. i'm still alive
but barely alive
i know what they meant by searching happiness from within.
i need to decide to be happy
and instead, waiting for happiness to come hit on me
but i'm really not happy
and how am i going to be happy when i'm not?
fake it until i make it?
deep down
i'm just not happy
i'm never happy
no matter how much i would want to fake it
i'm just not.
December 5th, 200903:09 am: gloria jeans with pretty ning
experimental shots with a film slr, nikonFG20 (which is not mine anyway)
plus disfunctional light meter
loaded with Fuji Superia 400
and for the first time, i did my homework on exposure value.
the outcome.
is love.
and of course, ning has big credit too.
cause she's so pretty and easy to shoot.
heh
    
November 30th, 200906:15 pm: the road trip.
Just landed back at home after a four-day-four-night road trip.
Again, i'm experiencing the post-holiday-depression
it's fun, it's happy, but it ended.
and whenever i close my eyes. what happen in the pass few days played back like a short film in my mind.
anyway
I'm going to list down places we've been, for my own record, *in case i forgotten
first day
- depart 5am from studio
- reached ipoh 7am for dim sum at 'fu shan'
- head to taiping's maxwell hill
- lunch at taiping's hawker center
- wander around lake garden
- depart to penang during evening
- so-called sunset at batu feringgi
- dinner at yummy beach side barbeQ crabby place
- cheers for the night *toast toast
second day
- peneng hawker food for breakfast
- kek lok shi for bai bai
- chill at the water damp
- laksa & ai-yu-bing break
- ferry back to butterworth
- head to sean's alor star housey
- dinner at a karaokie chinese seafood place
- dvd 'perfect getaway' at home
- knock off
third day
- wake late, brunch at hawker place around alor star
- visit padi field museum (lol)
- visit alot star tower
- visit siam temple
- spend time around nice tea restaurant with great bubble milk tea
- head to sanglang (with padi field and beach)
- dinner at another hawker place
- tadaa day ended
fourth day
- breakfast at hawker near by pasar pagi
- head to perlis
- stop by sugar cane field
- visit gua gelap (which is now known as gua kelam)
- stop by a few padi field
- wander around middle of alor star's mosque place
- bought take away hawker food for dinner and makan at sean's home
- shower and rest
- depart from alor star at 1030pm
- FUCKING traffic JAM along the way
- reached taiping's rest station at 330am (yes, 1hour for 10km kind of speed. DAMN IT)
- waited for traffic to clear, and resume journey at 5am
- reached studio 9am+
- too tired to work and we all knocked off and took emergency leave
took this on our way back from perlis. which suits my emo post-holiday-depression mood.
no matter how much fun it is.
the trip ended
and i have to get back to face all the shit reality work stuff
sucks big time
but... i still very much enjoyed the whole trip
with this bunch of crazy photography colleagues.
nice.
November 25th, 200912:47 am: don't try
sometimes. it's just hard
to see people come and go
and never anyone to stay forever
is our life just like a 7-eleven store?
fast passing everyday
with people coming in, getting something out of us,
and walked away.
or are we just that someone that once enter another person's 7-eleven
walked in and out. instantly too.
maybe we're never program to stay at one spot forever
you blame on people that have left you
but haven't you left someone too?
it's fair enough actually
therefore, all the 'friends forever'
all the 'i love you forever'
is actually not true
we should put it, 'friends now'
and 'i love you now'
forever
what does that really mean anyway
have anyone really have something with them forever?
even your favorite teddy bear will have to be thrown away one day too
and for that, feelings towards someone is just too weak to stay forever
hence.
people will just come and go
and that's it.
November 19th, 200905:42 pm:
I always leave first,
so I never have to see you go...
November 18th, 200912:02 am:
2009 is ending so soon.
To be frank,
It is one hell of a fun yet full filling year.
Well, basically, thanks to STUDIOROM.
If it's not for studio, i will not be smiling now. : D
Although, it seems as if i wasted one year here,
doing nothing related with my ultimate goal(which is design-industry)
But, of all, no regrets.
Well, it's not really happy-all-the way year. *shit still happens ALL THE TIME.
but i do think, through out the year, i learn a lot
from great great people around me.
bosses, photographers, producers, retouchers, agency people, clients, make up artist, stylist, magazine people, even assistants...
ALL OF THEM, they impressed me.
Because they were so good at what they do.
everyone is a professional.
and i realized, to be good and gain respect at what you do.
you really need to stay focus, pour in all you have and work it out.
nobody says it's going to be easy.
and no success is gained without hard work.
For now, I felt more like a visitor, looking at the whole industry from a glass panel.
but, i knew i can't be a visitor forever.
It's time for me to switch role and play a character from the inside.
I still felt really sad about having to leave something that i cherish so much.
But i knew, nothing last forever.
I remember a quote from onetreehill,
"Every song ends, but is there any reason not to enjoy the music?"
true.
song ends,
people leave,
but, there's no reason not to cherish every bits of it.
: )
November 13th, 200904:33 pm: 離開
離開時
我想我會哭吧
離開後
我想我會常想念
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