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April 17th, 2011
March 17th, 2011
(50mm on FG20, with 200 mitsubishi film)
March 9th, 2011
man made happiness:
Remember going to the beach and making sand castles seems to be the best thing ever?!
(50mm on FG20, with 200 mitsubishi film)
Remember when happiness is a given fact that it's so effortless?
that, only happen when you're young.
Trust me, when you are old (or old enough),
happiness is, actually very effortful
To many, being with people we love, means joy
But unfortunately, as we grow older, we grow apart as well.
Therefore, in order to gather, it requires A LOT of effort
arranging venues, agree with a time... endless planning.
While, others might finds contentment in material things..
no doubt, retail therapy does work.
however, buying means spending...
hence, more effort is needed to earn more, in order to own more.
again, it's effortful.
Then when you starts to get bored and think about living more interesting...
perhaps the annual celebrations?
or, a trip somewhere?
everything that makes you happy,
you have to work hard to earn it.
when happiness is man-made.
Not so happy anymore isn't it?
March 2nd, 2011
same yet different:
(50mm on FG20, with mitsubishi 200 )
From a simple glance, they are the same. But if you look closer, every each of it is different.
Every petals, arrangement, sizes, distinct from one and another.
It's only the matter of looking deeper, into the details and embracing the slight diversity to call them all unique at it's own way.
It's the same with our mundane routine.
Everyday seems the same. The same route to work, the same lunch outings, the same gym, the same people...
Yet, try to embrace the slight differences and to see everyday as an eventful day ever!
*am trying hard to do so.
February 1st, 2011
analog vs digital:
(handsome old man done by 50mm on FG20, with ilford 100)
it's hard to choose sides between digital and analog photography
to be frank, my heart would definitely go for the antique cameras and film
but still, i can't resist the conveniences of digital (plus the magic photoshop could do)
then i thought,
pictures are still pictures regardless what camera, or either if it's analog or digital
as long as it serve the purpose of capturing
and of course, to create great outcome...
again, people put labels on everything, even photography.
sometimes i wonder why,
maybe we had too much options, that we lost the ability to judge.
hence, by putting on labels to each and every thing, we thought it could justify better.
but who created those labels anyway?
and why are we to follow them?
January 27th, 2011
January 20th, 2011
(50mm on FG20, with Kodak 100 expired)
"If you had to own one super power, what would it be?"
To stop time.
to freeze that special moment that belongs to me and you
and the rest of it just doesn't matter
i wish to stop time, and to live in the moment. eternally.
too bad, time never stops.
and things never stop changing too...
January 15th, 2011
it's not a world of two:
(50mm on FG20, with Kodak EBX x-process)
being together, isn't just a you and me world.
we lived in a society closely bonded to each other. especially when there's facebook
your whole life is on it and there's nothing you could conceal.
i have got myself attached lately and eventually leads to the revealing it on facebook
to my humble surprise, the response was totally overwhelmed
all the congratulations and "likes"
frankly speaking, not thrilled at all, not furious or sad either...
i just didn't really like the spot light on me
having everyone to tell me that they're so happy for me..
i felt weird
what is it to congrats about? ( not like i'm getting married.. -__- )
srsly? i even start thinking, why do people congrats couples that got married.
what is it to congrats about?
isn't it, non of your business? (no offense)
i mean, two people being in love, it's their own world to be shared among themselves
and, congratulation is an act of joy or acknowledgment towards people that achieve something in life.
like say, graduation or business achievements...
is that an achievement?
to me, it's not.
because It's not something you can work hard to accomplish. neither can you control.
therefore, i don't feel the need to be celebrated with acknowledgement
but the world will always fill you up with all sorts of unnecessary point of view
until, we forgotten what does it genuinely means
still, i'd like to think that it's a you-and-me world
and someday, i really hope to escape from people. and live a life alone, or with my plus one
January 4th, 2011
happy new year people.
(last pic done on 2010, 50mm on FG20, with expired Kodak 100)
this whole crossing through 2010 towards 2011 has been crazy
not as in it's happening.
more like, there's so much to deal with,
i didn't have time to sit down, and think about new year resolution or what not.
on the last few days of 2010,
there's just work, and work and work.
on the very first day of dear 2011
i drove my mom's car out at night.
and, i crashed it.
on the 2nd day of 2011,
seek comfort on the fact that i still have my own car,
to borrow my mom at least.
but... but.... but..........
my car has to broke down at the same time.
can anything be worst.
both cars were sent to workshop at the same time
and freaking cost me a bomb.
Happy New Year INDEED
December 29th, 2010
for now, it's rome:
(mixture of film made pictures of rom)
i remember saying this last year,
the best thing that happen in 2009, is to join studiorom
and the worst thing that happen in 2009, is to leave studiorom
and now, 2010 has come to an end as well...
strangely, although it's only been a year,
it feels like 10 years has gone by.
maybe because studiorom doesn't exist anymore,
company split, name changed. pretty much like it has disappeared...
yes, the architecture is still there, some people remain as well.
but to me, it's gone.
gone because i moved on.
gone because i no longer live in it.
but even if it's gone.
still, i will always miss those days
doing things not according to plan.
exploring stuff that i have never thought i would.
i just felt sorry that...
life only travels in one direction, which is...
*toast to the long gone moments.
December 28th, 2010
(digital made, d80, 50mm, with my nikon FG20)
haven't been updating this journal.
i apologize for that...
(bet nobody keeps track on it, anyway)
hah, well not writing here, doesn't mean not having thoughts.
the urge to express whatever flown through my mind is always there,
but somehow, i lost the courage to share it to the world.
hence, i did it the old school way, by writing, diaries.
(*nods, those ink on paper kind.)
i always want to be truthful to myself,
but somehow, by knowing whatever you do "online" will be judged,
cause the overthinking before action made.
hence, it's no longer genuine.
then, why not cut this page off, and do it all old-school-style?
now, this is the contradicting part.
i wanted my voice to be reached.
yet, i'm afraid to be judged.
am i such an oxymoron or what?
see, that's what i'm saying,
you'll probably be judging me right now.
i wonder am i alone, or do you felt the contradiction as well?
December 6th, 2010
Time is running out.
everyday, bits by bits....
(ilford 100 on Nikon FG20 with 35mm)
there's so much to be done, to be explore,
yet, i don't have enough time.
and there's never enough.
I made some stupid calculation lately. (lol)
Say, If i'm going to die at the age of 73,
which means, there's only 50 more years left.
(that is if i'm lucky enough to turn 73)
and if i could only...
read 7 books, watch 90 movies and visit 1 country in a year...
That means, before my time ends,
i can only cover maximum, 350books, 4500 movies and 50 countries!
But, according to google,
there's 129,864,880 books in the whole wide world.
And based on answer.com,
there's 1,711,668 movies in the whole wide world.
Plus the fact that there's 197 countries in the whole wide world.
I CAN NEVER FINISH THEM ALL.
and that depresses me.
"There's no way you can have it all"
is a lesson hidden in time.
and when you can't have it all,
maybe it's time to treasure what's in your hand,
rather than to chase for the endless...
(digital made, d80 with 50mm, vanessa & joe)
其实，那个人就是 ‘理想的自己’ 呢？
November 18th, 2010
the beaten path:
Growing old, doesn't mean growing smart.
and to grown-ups, the mind has no space to evolve anymore
They will be who they are now, or who they were before
and this self will remain.
it's easy to shape a child, but never a grown up
It's a beaten path.
the pattern of how things happen to a person, will keep it's routine
the habits that one cultivated will stay, a very long time
change, is the least you expect in grown ups.
(ilford 100 on Nikon FG20 with 35mm)
To a grown up I've become now,
It's easy to see how i keep my habits, and the way i deal with issues
how sub-consciously i decide to be this person
this person that ain't positive, that slowly likes to be alone
and compose pictures with an identical style
just like this lonely long path.
It's still a long way, and It's still a lonely path.
but one thing that differ is that,
This path is no longer full of sorrow.
because i enjoy being alone now
I can't amend what had happen to my pass as it's marked history
But present are made of history,
future are made of present.
therefore, to the present-me now,
promise to make a stronger future-me.
November 11th, 2010
yesterday during yoga class....
"Today, we're going to focus on endurance"
then he continues
"By holding on a posture for more than a minute,
we will then realized, which part of muscle sore the most,
and that means, we put too much weight on it.
So, you must always pull back those weight,
and transfer them to another part,
to achieve a balance."
make hell lot of sense, right?
October 29th, 2010
to my chem:
it's really funny how things never seems to change even after all these years.
what i meant is,
art, film and music that somehow made a connection with me.
those connection. to my surprise... they're pretty lasting.
you can call me a 'fan' if you like to.
but we all needed something to believe in, don't we?
and my religion, to be honest, is merely,
art, film and music.
you must be thinking,
why this sudden gratitude?
haha, well no doubt..
my chemical romance, will be launching their new album...
DANGER DAYS: THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILLJOYS
and i'm extremely thrilled,
i checked on their website everyday for updates, youtube as well (lol)
waiting for 22nd November to come.. (the album releasing date)
so much anticipation.
i thought after years, i'll grow up, and not be like a teenager fan.
but nahhhhh. i then realized, it has nothing to do with growing up.
i will always be amazed by them, at any age.
Regardless, this new album is nothing like the black parade.
and people starts comparing the differences
but i personally think that, it's still very-my-chemical-romance
The spirit in them. never change, and it just keeps getting better!
In one of the interviews,
Gerard says that they were wide aware of the contrast as well.
but, things are constantly changing, and it didn't just happen to the band, but in general as well.
back then, everything just seems dark and depressing...
over dependent on technology, digital stuff...
now, colours are slowly painting back everything,
people start seeking for alternative rather than pure digital
(aint that happen in most of the major ads? more and more hand-craft stuff, no?)
he says their mission is to pull the sun closer to earth.
(i like this quote very much, lol)
i sure as hell know they did,
cause i already felt the warmth from the only 3 songs released so far...
Gerard is still the most inspiring person (srsly)
He, being married, being a dad now...
still carries so much charm and... MORE CHARM even.
it's just amazing to see someone like him,
having so much positive energy to spread around...
(at least, i'm all charged up every time i listen to them)
No matter he's blonde, the patient,
or now, red-headed, the party poison.
He's just a legend.
Still playing NA NA NA NA,
The only hope for me is you, and
non stop.... : D
can't freaking wait for their whole album..
don't even mention about their tour!!!
I AM A TOTAL CRAZY FAN!
at this age of 23.
I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN!
October 27th, 2010
(最壯觀的香港夜景！panoramic stiched from 5 photos)
wish me luck
October 19th, 2010
and, i'm not being emo!
rather, i'm being constantly ANGRY.
so much rage...
so much discontent...
so many bitches around me...
i'm turning into a cactus!!
with sharp needles pointing out.
"one step closer, you're a dead man!"
i hate the cactus-liked me..
that i'm constantly off balance, always pissed off...
but. how to not be one when there's so many bitches around me!
i tried, the make-peace option.
if people are bitchy to you, let them be.
take the high road
but NO. i can't!
it's a dog eat dog world out there.
you play timid, you play miss nice...
everyone will eat you up alive!
not that i strive for victory.
i never wanna climb the corporate ladder.
i just really can't understand why!!!
so many people out there, so insecure,
they have to step on people to prove that they are good enough.
making people feel bad, actually helps them feel superior.
and hell no, i will never be the reason for them to feel good.
FUCK OFF LAH. BITCHES!
why can't people treat people sincere?
i know you'll say. "welcome to the world"
yah, i know it's true.
if i don't change. if i don't protect myself.
i will be a door mat.
i just need to find a balance...
being cactus in front of bitches, by not loosing myself.
tough as hell.
September 22nd, 2010
m . u . l . t . i . p . l . y:
vision from a kaleidoscope
gladly it's able to be captured by camera
5ringgit for such an antique
that could easily made my day
multiply things i like,
may i see the world through a kaleidoscope
September 7th, 2010
age has taken it's toll on me.
not exactly destructive...
yet, not exactly amusing too...
i just felt different.
i have been secretly isolating myself from people.
i enjoy being alone in fact.
but the truth is, i'm practicing.
and practice makes perfect.
this is what aged has turned me into.
i'm not proud,
i'm not ashamed either.
and soon i'll turn 23,
and i'll be perfectly fine.
alone. : D
August 5th, 2010
the raw shark text.:
i like how incidental things occur,
like picking up a random book from Amcorp mall the other day.
a whole big pile of old books, selling for rm3 each
so many of them, some old, some odd, some bored,
but one had caught my eye, hence i picked it up, flip through it,
and because i'm in a hurry, in just less then a minute,
i decided i had to buy it now, or regret later.
in fact, it's just rm3 anyway.
The Raw Shark Text,
by Steven Hall
It's his debut, in fact.
an indeed remarkable experience
story about a quest of preserving a loved one eternally
no matter what it takes, even by losing himself.
Here's the introduction from the back cover.
Eric Sanderson wakes up in a place he doesn't recognise,
unable to remember who he is. All he has left are journal entries
recalling Clio, a perfect love now gone.
So begins a thrilling adveture that will send Eric and his cynical cat Ian
on a search for the Ludovician, the force that is threatening his life,
and Dr. Trey Fidorus, the only man who knows it's secret.
very much action pack and required plenty of imagination.
In fact, I find it somewhat hard to picture many scenes.
Emotional part of the story,
It's kind of sad to see Eric dealing with the lost of Clio,
it's like his life ends together.
But Steven Hall didn't make it all weepy and sorrow.
Rather, it's more like doing whatever one could, even to challenge the impossible fact.
In order to be together with someone that is no longer alive.
A lot of facts doesn't really make sense, as if you don't buy fiction.
But things like the conceptual fish, un-space, ditchaphones,
that forms the spine of the story,
are indeed original.
never heard of them, not even being able to search for reference on google (lol)
for that, i think it deserve compliments.
It would definitely be great to reproduce it as a film,
and guess what, screenwriter for Slumdog Millionaire,
has just completed The Raw Shark Text's screen play.
HOW AWESOME RIGHT! soon a major film will be produced. : D
There's a part where Eric describes the good old days of him and Clio,
here's what she said.
"I'm going to have a smiley face tattooed on the underneath of my big toe"
Eric asked why and Clio said,
"So when i'm dead and they put my toe tag on me it'll look funny in the morgue."
i mean, not exactly cute, but it's...
also cute in a way.
this, i find it indeed original.
Steven Hall also talked about death and how one person is gone,
but still remains in some way.
some idea like this, are relatively interesting.
How big part of life is about the hows and whys of setting up machinery,
It's a building system, devices, motors. Winding up the clockwork of direct
billings, configuring newspapers delivery, and anniversary and photographs
and credit cards repayments, and anecdotes. Starting their engines, setting
them in motion and sending them chugging off into the future to do their thing at
regular or irregular intervals. When a person dies or leaves or ends, they leave
an afterimage; Their outline in the device they've set up around them. The
image fades into the winding down of springs, the slow running out fuel as the
machines of life lived in certain ways in certain places and form certain angles
are shut down or seize up or blink off one by one. It takes time. Sometimes, you
come across the dusty lights or electrical hum of someone eles's machine, maybe
a long time after you ever expected to, still running, lonely in the dark. Still doing
it's thing for the person who started it up long, long after they've gone.
A man lives so many different lengths of time
A man is so many different lengths of time.
Change. Collapse. Reinvention.
oh, and another quote i like.
we only see starlight because all the stars are bleeding.
slightly sad, and anti-romance statement for the ever delusional starlight.
okay, that's about it.
take time to read it, i would recommend.
August 4th, 2010
the all the best and the last events. (so far):
pictures done by d80, 50mm
made at seremban funfair
specially dedicated to belle.
the women that venture into singapore for her dreams and obligation.
we never really confront the valediction
because singapore seems too near for the tears of goodbye.
but still, it's no longer like we can just meet whenever we want to.
and now it's just me and ning. (for the plbb gang)
maybe soon, it'll be just me that remain.
anyway, i wish her all the luck of the world.
may she be blessed with great opportunities
August 3rd, 2010
now then i realized
having a nice-hair-do.
can actually ease monday blues.
hahaha, okay, at least, in my own interpretation.
tadaaa. curly shoulder length!
that, is my lovely, lengchai hairstylist. JUNO.
they used to claim that we both look alike,
but after years of evolution.
he, transformed too much (in a good way)
that i couldn't hardly catch up.
so, i no longer see us as friends-look-alike.
sigh. : (
anyway, i'm pretty glad with the outcome of the curls.
just hope that it could maintain as it is, even after weeks.
July 22nd, 2010
just finish watching Amelie,
for the second time.
*i'll tell you why i watched it twice later.
what a feel-good movie.
thanks to meimei for sharing this,
It has claim to be her all time favourite film.
which had also hit my top 5 too.
good stuff to share.
lol, watch it for yourself.
It's up on youtube.
a france-made film, to be specific.
If you were to question me, what's so good about the film.
I couldn't really tell.
then i'm confuse.
why would i like it so much...
it took me a while
and i started to realized,
it's the details.
what actually amuse you,
is all the small little details.
so small, so out of sight
that people would usually over pass them.
however, director, Jean-Pierre Juenet
take count on every of it.
and present it so well in the film
we always seek for BIGGER pleasure.
more money, more cloths, more of everything.
but we end up neglect the simplest form of joy.
that could come from anywhere,
and that could happen everyday.
watch it, and you'll get what i mean.
btw, side note, why would i watch it twice is because....
lol. for the first time, i insert the dvd into the player... and hit button play..
Jean-Pierre Juenet starts to talk.
yes, commentating from the very beginning.
and so, i thought, wow, maybe it's done on purpose, that's how unique it could be.
then, he starts explaining every scene, why he picked this actor, why he choose this place,
what he loves about this scene, what's gonna happen next. bla bla bla...
using his france-english accent. wahlah...
i thought it would be for the first few scene. end up. it drags and drags, until i finish the whole film.
i can't even decide what to concentrate.
him commentating, or the scenes, or the subtitles (cause it's in france)
quite painful to watch ehhh.
then only i realized.
it's a special edition, where you could actually choose to have the normal mode.
without him, commentating. -___-
yah, and therefore, i watched it twice.
but, it's worth watching the third time too. and i actually appreciate the commentating part.
can really understand the film, and director's point of view.
just, i did it in a wrong sequence.
July 13th, 2010
i want to see myself not in malaysia after 2010.:
I was told by many that i am never contended.
never happy with things i have in life
i knew i'm blessed with great friends and family
and i really appreciate all of them
but, i believe everyone are meant to serve a different purpose in life
and the reason for my constant malcontent
are in fact, i can see what i want in life
but i'm always looking at it from a distance.
and i hate it
i'm not a career person, neither a family person.
my ultimate goal, in life,
is to travel around.
(and if you were to check on my most frequent viewed website,
it could only result information regarding visa, working or studying oversea)
i'm getting old
and it's really bothering me badly
i am the one who said i wanna get out there, and be adventurous
but in reality, i am the one that roots here,
and attending one after another farewell of my friends.
when is my turn to be farewell?
i'm sick of myself,
all the talking, all the research, all the readings.
but none the action.
this is not a life i seek for
this is not the abby tai i want to be.
i don't want see my life pass me by
and all i have done is just sitting around, and dream on.
although, i know i might sound naive now.
but dreams all sounded naive, not until one take action, to make it real.
and i want it to be real.
give me all the determination, all the courage i need.
and i shall be off.
to anywhere in the map.
i did an unofficial photoshot for michelle.
(yah, i wanna name it unofficial, just so because i am not exactly satisfied with the outcome
It's for her upcoming online boutique.
and it's up now, do visit.
anyhow, have a look at a few that, somehow get through my quality control,
and merely got a C... T__T
the other 2 models are sue ann, and michelle's cousin, estrella.
all cloths and styling are done by mich.
okay, shouldn't be blaming on the weather, but instead my skill...
STILL... the weather is really, hating me that day.
it rains in the morning. then during evening, there's no direct sunlight at all.
the sky is covered by clouds.
and don't get me wrong, the dissatisfied is not due to the models.
they are great.
just, i'm not really in the mood, due to the weather.
enough said lah.
no skill, have to brush up and improve bah...
July 9th, 2010
I watched remember me the other day.
yah, mainly because of Robert Pattinson
(of course, of course)
and i thought it would be a sick-romance kinda movie, (that i loved)
then, turns out, not so much about romance.
but i seize the meaning of our daily life through the movie.
"Ghandi said that whatever you do in life, will be insignificant,
But it's very important that you do it, because no one else will"
-quoted from the movie-
and for my interpretation.
even how insignificant of things we do everyday.
we're ought to jot them down,
for instance, blog about it.
or write it down in your journal or diary.
draw them down
record the voices
it might seems insignificant now.
but it's a sign, a prove of us,
that we are once here!
nobody can live forever
but things we do. things we create.
they can live forever
in case you wonder, i am no longer deadly missing studiorom. (it's a lie)
and i finally moved on. (yah, like i have a choice?)
so, here i present.
my life in mccann kl!
which is nothing more then an imac.
and sitting in front of the imac.
of course, apart from imac,
there's still human beings around me,
first of all, please meet ABY, the art director.
which shares the same name with me. (abby, aby LOL)
so we're basically, the B1 B2 in the office
okay, then comes, the writer, song song (middle), and the senior designer (left), mei mei.
song song is no longer here liao. T___T
but she has an active blog. where she writes good stuff. : D
another that had left as well, Mr. Hot Zahir
yes, he is touching his crotch, faking his orgasm.
here, we have queen of the sexy, val.
*you shall know what's sexy after seeing her, lol
she used to be my sister's college mate, and now she's my colleague. small world kan.
the chinese writer, shan shan (middle) and again, the senior designer, mei mei (right)
which is now, my constant pantry-gang.
(ever since my sad DIET plan kick starts)
me and shan shan prepare salad for lunch, and
poor mei mei have to dapao her vegetarian rice cause she will starve if she only eats veg.
so, this is the few of more than 60 people walking around the office.
i only manage to catch a few.
talk to a few, and hang out with a few.
can't have a whole 60 of friends anyway, right?
July 1st, 2010
i don't believe time heals.
time never does the healing part.
time is a veil
it only hide your wounds.
make believe that it's long gone
but whatever happened
that leaves a mark
will never fade
i believe memories are ghost
they never stops haunting
often appeared at night
with them around,
there's never place for healing
i take pictures to embrace memories
so ironic isn't it?
June 23rd, 2010
that's exactly how i felt now.